I love San Francisco, tragically, because no matter how lost I feel, I am never aimless, like the people that walk and sleep on those streets. I can't imagine being without direction in my life; never having something to hold onto...it's unreal. Nevertheless, that city makes my heart heavy. It's quite possible that I've never loved anything more in my life. Something so accepting and rich like San Francisco makes all individual people seem incomplete and shallow. There's so much beauty in everything. So liberal. I love it.
My heart is the worst kind of enemy. It is what it is, even when I don't understand it. It's impossible to compare a love for a place to love for people. Or is it? You take comfort in each, take pride in each, and grow attachment towards each. But, the city is always there for you; it's dependable. Your favorite bench is always there. You'll never be lost on the same streets you walk every day. People change; they're unpredictable. My love for the city is as constant as the city's being.
I saw him at the soccer game yesterday. It was all I could do to not go up to him and apologize yet again for being so stupid. What else can he really do but let time wait me out?
In the story of Narcissus, he falls in love with his own reflection in a lake. Narcissus gives all his love to this lake, but the lake cannot return his love; it only politely mirrors what he wants to see, until the lake waits out Narcissus and he dies. Meanwhile, an estranged Echo, a nymph, cries over losing Narcissus; what she never had. Mike called a lot today, and the city reminded me of many things.
How I love my city.
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